AMERICAN GLADIATORS IN PARADISE.

We're happy to report that this week the popular TV show American Gladiators has become one of our core sponsors and we couldn't be more pleased. The masterminds behind the athletic competition program got wind of TNUC through Malibu himself (of course), who introduced them to this space. Upon seeing the layout and feeling the vibe they immediately consulted The Big Bu' and asked "WHERE DO WE SIGN UP?".

Major event ideas are being brought to the table right now for the upcoming summer season. One plan of brilliance suggested was expanding the 2nd Annual TNUC Boob Cruise to a full-blown "American Gladiators in Paradise" theme. We'd set sail somewhere remote. Possibly off the coast of Guam. Once we reached at least 100 miles from shore or any visible land, we'd throw away our maps, GPS systems and any other navigational means. With no navigation tools to hold us down, this boob cruise would be ANYTHING GOES. Cocktails, tanning oil, gator floats, boat 'ludes, tassel loafers, khaki short-shorts, a special appearance from the band Winger, and most importantly...you could be sharing a cabin with Malibu, Lace, Zap, Gemini, Bronco, Nitro, Blaze, Gold, Sunny, Jade or Titan! Again these are just ideas...but we feel very strongly that this funny, sun-drenched frolic really needs to happen!

In the mean time, how about we toast to this timeless TV show with a slice of music from it's 1989 network debut? This original theme is an exclusive as it was not included on the album American Gladiators: The Music that was released in 1993. Hit the blue play button and drift into 
Gladiator P A R A D I S E.



Name: Malibu
Nicknames: 'The Big Bu', 'Child of Mother Nature', '220 pounds of Twisted Steel & Sex Appeal'.
Interests: Babes, brewskies, surfing, the beach, Aqua Net, tanning.
Duration of time on the show: Only the first half of Season 1 due to an injury he received during the human cannonball.
Last seen: Made an appearance in the trailer for Mike Ballermann & TNUC's Two Crude Dudes Mix (seen here).

THE ROAD HOUSE MOTHERLOAD.

From deep inside the sacred caverns of the TNUC vault comes this Road House time capsule that we like to refer to as "the motherload". That's right, it derives from an actual time capsule that was buried in the debris of the almost, could-have-been Double Deuce nightclub that Uncle TNUC attempted to open in the fall of 1990.

(click photos for extreme-close-up's)

Attempts were made that year to bring the infamous place where "eyeballs are swept off the floor every night after closing" to life. TNUC invested just about his entire life savings as well as whatever money he could scrounge up from his first annual TNUC Boob Cruise that set sail off the Florida Keys that summer as well as the string of 1-900 hotlines that he managed that year. Many people were involved in the project including WWF's Terry Funk, Sam Elliot and even the fat guy that played Tinker in the film. We had several sponsors backing us such as Harley Davidson, WWF Superstars Ice Cream Bars and even the American Gladiators TV program. Things could not have been better and looked more promising. The Double Deuce was coming alive and TNUC was at the forefront of a massive franchise...

During our grand opening event was when everything went horribly wrong. One of the stunts planned for TNUC's introduction entrance was that he'd arrive in a hot-blue monster truck, which he'd drive himself down a red carpet which lead to the front doors of the club. Well, that didn't exactly go to plan when TNUC decided to make a concoction to get over the nervous restlessness he felt before his grand opening. Early that morning he popped a half-dozen quaaludes and downed a 12-pack of wine coolers that some girl had left at his party the night before.

It was a sizzling-hot day as TNUC arrived at the event. Hundreds of patrons and friends gathered at the steps of the brand new Double Deuce. The DD bouncer crew were lined up in red polo shirts, Zubaz pants and had expressions on their faces that suggested all they wanted to do was "take out the trash". TNUC waited for his cue, fired up the monster truck and began. Suddenly the quaalude/wine cooler mix took over and what happened next he doesn't remember at all. Spectators told the media that he had fallen asleep on the wheel and with his face smashed against the blaring horn, the massive truck headed straight for the club. People looked on as the beast of a truck launched up the front steps and crushed the building in a million pieces, leaving the Double Deuce a pile of debris and failed dreams.

The real-life Double Deuce never once opened it's doors. All we have is memories of what could have been and these priceless artifacts that were supposed to adorn the walls of the nightclub.

The above photo shows one of our most prized possessions in the vault. It's a VHS copy of a Road House "Screening Cassette", which contains a promotional featurette followed by the actual film. This cassette was part of the enormously over-the-top promotional package sent to video rental stores around the country. It's intention was for your local mom & pop rental store to plaster their walls with Road House promo items and even engage in a number of Road House activities, which the video goes into detail about. Aside from a few contests, our favorite are the "Road House Parties", which radio stations were encouraged to host for listeners. These Road House all-out-bashes would feature "music, food, beverages, dancing, free cassettes & t-shirts and a Best Bouncer Contest." This event gave Dalton protégés, or Dalton Disciples, the opportunity to strut their stuff. The lucky winner would receive a combination CD/Laserdisc player from Pioneer. 

*Plenty more screenshots where these came from...for the complete photobook, visit the TNUC facebook page. 

LORD OF THE GLOVE.

Before getting into the first breaking news of 2013, I'd like to examine the following to see if i'm not the only one who's noticed it. As i'm watching the credits roll on a private screening of the 1989 Fred Savage video game extravaganza flick The Wizard, I catch something on the screen that immediately melts my face. As seen in the above image, just below the credit listings for "Clearances" and "Nintendo Advisor" reads "Power Glove Advisor - NOVAK." Pause.......let that resonate for a moment........ok, EXPLODE.

The fact that the Power Glove was such a revolution for Nintendo and required high security clearance is so pleasing to think about. All we can imagine is that this advisor is some post-apocalyptic Kyle Reese type that visits the set by appointments made FAR in advance. He wears a trench coat and high tops with the over-exaggerated tongue sticking out and delivers the Power Glove in a combination-lock case to Lucas Barton. Finish that dream off with an unexplainable purplish-green glow that emerges from inside the case and the perfect picture has been painted.  

This brings us to the bit of news that hammered down on the mahogany/ivory desk of TNUC this morning. Our two lawyers-turned-synth-lords from Australia, Power Glove, are returning to the big screen once again with their new offering, Vengeance. After the success of their contribution to the Hobo With a Shotgun soundtrack in 2011, the boys sealed lucrative contracts once again with Jason Eisner (dir. of Hobo) to provide the music for his "Y is for Young Buck" short from the upcoming 26-chapter horror anthology The ABC's of Death. Preview the track below.



I'm pretty sure the film can be rented from one of the internet sites where you can stream new movies, but obviously since we don't partake in anything of the sort, we suggest you follow your good Uncle's advice and wait to see ABC's when it arrives in theaters on March 8th. Not only do two of the best new directors in the game have shorts for the movie (Jason Eisner and Ti West), but uh...you'll be sitting in a dark theater with Power Glove oozing from the speakers. We've been longtime supporters since the Streets of 2043 and Maximum Potential days, so this revolution is certainly not to miss.