Sunday, February 17, 2013

THE ROAD HOUSE MOTHERLOAD.

From deep inside the sacred caverns of the TNUC vault comes this Road House time capsule that we like to refer to as "the motherload". That's right, it derives from an actual time capsule that was buried in the debris of the almost, could-have-been Double Deuce nightclub that Uncle TNUC attempted to open in the fall of 1990.

(click photos for extreme-close-up's)



Attempts were made that year to bring the infamous place where "eyeballs are swept off the floor every night after closing" to life. TNUC invested just about his entire life savings as well as whatever money he could scrounge up from his first annual TNUC Boob Cruise that set sail off the Florida Keys that summer as well as the string of 1-900 hotlines that he managed that year. Many people were involved in the project including WWF's Terry Funk, Sam Elliot and even the fat guy that played Tinker in the film. We had several sponsors backing us such as Harley Davidson, WWF Superstars Ice Cream Bars and even the American Gladiators TV program. Things could not have been better and looked more promising. The Double Deuce was coming alive and TNUC was at the forefront of a massive franchise...





During our grand opening event was when everything went horribly wrong. One of the stunts planned for TNUC's introduction entrance was that he'd arrive in a hot-blue monster truck, which he'd drive himself down a red carpet which lead to the front doors of the club. Well, that didn't exactly go to plan when TNUC decided to make a concoction to get over the nervous restlessness he felt before his grand opening. Early that morning he popped a half-dozen quaaludes and downed a 12-pack of wine coolers that some girl had left at his party the night before.


It was a sizzling-hot day as TNUC arrived at the event. Hundreds of patrons and friends gathered at the steps of the brand new Double Deuce. The DD bouncer crew were lined up in red polo shirts, Zubaz pants and had expressions on their faces that suggested all they wanted to do was "take out the trash". TNUC waited for his cue, fired up the monster truck and began. Suddenly the quaalude/wine cooler mix took over and what happened next he doesn't remember at all. Spectators told the media that he had fallen asleep on the wheel and with his face smashed against the blaring horn, the massive truck headed straight for the club. People looked on as the beast of a truck launched up the front steps and crushed the building in a million pieces, leaving the Double Deuce a pile of debris and failed dreams.


The real-life Double Deuce never once opened it's doors. All we have is memories of what could have been and these priceless artifacts that were supposed to adorn the walls of the nightclub.



The above photo shows one of our most prized possessions in the vault. It's a VHS copy of a Road House "Screening Cassette", which contains a promotional featurette followed by the actual film. This cassette was part of the enormously over-the-top promotional package sent to video rental stores around the country. It's intention was for your local mom & pop rental store to plaster their walls with Road House promo items and even engage in a number of Road House activities, which the video goes into detail about. Aside from a few contests, our favorite are the "Road House Parties", which radio stations were encouraged to host for listeners. These Road House all-out-bashes would feature "music, food, beverages, dancing, free cassettes & t-shirts and a Best Bouncer Contest." This event gave Dalton protégés, or Dalton Disciples, the opportunity to strut their stuff. The lucky winner would receive a combination CD/Laserdisc player from Pioneer. 



















Plenty more screenshots where these came from...for the complete photobook, visit the TNUC facebook page

3 comments:

StanSwitek said...

The only thing missing... is your ass!

Marshall R. Teague said...

I used to F guys like you in prison.

Great write up Uncle!

Anonymous said...

Terry Funk.