FULLY FUNCTIONAL BABE LAIR.

Gentlemen,

Here's a test: Play this track at your next party and count how many seconds it takes for the dangerous dames in the room to pounce. If things escalate and babes become helpless against it's powers, find your nearest touchtone phone and dial 1-900-UNCLE T. But pray...you never need to call me.

Jami Jamison - I'm Always Here d/l

VANITY INSANITY.

One year ago, we turned the heat up and brought you this:

Disciples from various distant lands always ask me what the song is thats used in this clip. The song is by Dee Dee Bellson and is called It Could Be You. My dying dream is that someone could locate the song. This could be difficult, considering that there was no official soundtrack released for Never Too Young to Die. Truth of the matter is, TNUC desperately needs the track for seducing Vanity out of her evangalist-loving life. Since TNUC and Stamos are cut from the same cloth, it only seems fair that I get a shot at taking it to the bedroom with dame Vanity (accompanied by saxophones). Supposedly, Vanity hasn't been intimate with a man in over 12 years and has become a 'born again virgin'. Naturally, my heart sank when I heard this. This is just unacceptable behavior. Could this so-called 'born again virgin' be the same dreamy woman that adorns the top of this website?

I have the apple, I have the white slacks, I have Perrier water. The final piece to this sexual puzzle is finding this little scorcher of a song. The voyage begins today because the year 2010 is the year Vanity and TNUC roam free through the land (accompanied by saxophones).
Mark my words, if the track is found I will perform a private indoor trampoline jumping lesson for your very eyes, oh wait...Stamos beat me to it!

SPRING FLING.

SPRING FLING: TOP 10 ON THE CHARTS AT CAMP TNUC:

1. M Black - Heartbreak (Diamond Cut remix)*

[*Time of paramount to listen to this one is around dusk. One of the first few times I listened to the song was driving down the twisty turns and valley sides of Laurel Canyon Boulevard and Mullholland Drive. I almost had to pull my Trans-Am over to fight back the chills, specifically around the 2:00 mark. My commute home from work turned into an emotional ride of enlightenment. Diamond Cut is at his absolute peak. It's the musical equivalent to your ultimate dream girl.]

2. NightWaves - Sweet Carrie

3. White Wolf - She

4. The Outrunners - Diamonds

5. Hugh Harris - Rhythm of Life

6. Grum - Turn it Up (feat. Electric Youth)

7. Skull Fist - Blackout

8. Futurecop! - Street Hawk

9. Sally Shapiro - Save Your Love (Lovelock remix)

10. Peter Godwin - Images of Heaven

11. Scorpions - Big City Nights

12. Kavinsky - Night Call

13. Vanity - Samuelle

GO GET HER.

E.T. RIP-OFFS NIGHT.

Saturday May 15 @ 10:45 - E.T. RIP-OFFS NIGHT
(feat Mac and Me)

Every major hit spawns a wave of rip-offs, so it was a natural that record-setting box office smash E.T. would spawn a universe of mewling extra-terrestrial offspring. It's a testimony to the original's delicate alchemy (how difficult it was to create a truly adorable alien) that the batallion of E.T. ripoffs is populated with a freakshow of failed cloning mutations that would terrify Dr. Moreau. Well, the tent is open! Come on by and gaze upon a video mix of the saddest group of (un)lovable friends from the sky, each more wrong-headed and misshapen than the last.

Then we watch the Big Kahuna of E.T.'s dark doppelgangers, Mac And Me. Like rat poison or Clorox bleach, this film should be put on a high shelf, well out of childrens' reach. It's sleazily cheap, riotously inept and creatively bankrupt -- it's not even harmless! Some films have product placements, but this movie is a fucking feature-length commercial for McDonald's; with a trailer introduced by Ronald McDonald (watch above), you can bet the film's quasi-lovable alien wasn't the only "Mac" the producers wanted kids to fall in love with. And Mac and Me doesn't just limit its life lessons to the joys of breakdancing in a franchise burger joint, for it also details the life-giving nutritional properties of Skittles and Coca-Cola. We're lovin' it!
Mac and Me // Dir. Stewart Raffill // 1988 // 35mm // 95 min.



The Cinefamily
611 N. Fairfax Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90036
cinefamily.org

REJOICE.

Today, TNUC disciples and followers of the good book can rejoice and be glad because this blog turns one years old! This is actually a one year anniversary that celebrates an over 25-year struggle that TNUC fought to get to the top. To clear up any confusion, if you weren't already aware, TNUC was actually the #1 blog in 1985, but sadly excess got the best of TNUC, and the hard-living, fast cars/fast women lifestyle soon turned to overdoses, rehab, divorce hearings, car crashes, and Quaaludes which put TNUC on hold throughout the 90's. It wasn't until one year ago today that TNUC rose from the gutter to kickstart this labyrinth.

Paulie (real name Paulie Pannino), an alcoholic and meat packing plant worker, would like to accept this overlooked robotic gift of the decade on behalf of TNUC...

As you will see in the latter part of the video, Paulie has since transformed this harmless robotic friend into some sort of electronic sex doll. Evidence of the perverted alcoholic taking advantage of this unique gift is when he refers to the robot as "his girl". Also notice the uncomfortable expression by Apollo Creed.

Vince DiCola - Happy Birthday TNUC (Paulie) by TNUC

"I wanted a sportscar, not no walking trash can!"

-Paulie

MICHAEL DOUGLAS STRESSED OUT SEX THRILLERS.

Nobody graces the screen with barely legal levels of stress and is pushed to the ultimate brink like our pal Michael Douglas. I mean nobody. From 1987 to 1994 alone he was involved in 3 seductive thrillers with some of the most luscious ladies in the business. These films featured unforgettable steamy scenes as well as a brilliant portrayal of a man pushed to the edge in every way, shape and form. This Michael Douglas sexual trifecta we're referring to is of course Fatal Attraction, Basic Instinct and Disclosure.

.

Lets examine the essentials:

The Look? Hair slicked back, sweat, trench coat, slacks with pleats, tassel loafers and over sized, dramatic aviator sunglasses.

The Goods? A carton of cigarettes, firm drink (straight) and a $80,000 car.

The Feeling? High stress, high blood pressure and high sexual tension.

There's no doubting it, Michael Douglas brings a certain ambiance to his movies that I must thank the Valerie Collective for reminding me about. It just so happens that in the past three years, the great Valerie project College has channeled this distinct atmosphere we speak of into three very special mixes. Here's what he had to say..."Michael Douglas gives off a certain charisma in his films that has inspired me to make a little mix for August. I think we can call this the 'Douglas Touch". After taking pleasure in these mixes, be sure to follow up by re-discovering Michael's filmography with classics not mentioned like Wall Street, Black Rain and Falling Down, where you will bare witness to new dimensions of stress. Enjoy.

[mix 1] I Made Love to Sharon Stone

1. TANGERINE DREAM - LOVE ON A REAL TRAIN (EXTENDED MIX)

2. CHRIS DE BURGH - LADY IN RED

3. THE ALAN PARSONS PROJECT - PIPELINE

4. NENEH CHERRY - MANCHILD

5. THE BELOVED - SWEET HARMONY

6. MASSIVE ATTACK - UNFINISHED SYMPATHY

7. BRIAN FERRY - SLAVE TO LOVE

download (right click + save)

[mix 2] I Made Love to Demi Moore

1. TANGERINE DREAM - HEARTBREAKERS

2. BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN - SAD EYES

3. STEVIE NICKS - STAND BACK

4. CHRIS REA - JOSEPHINE

5. JAN HAMMER - CANDY

6. STEVE WINWOOD - VALERIE

download (right click + save)

[mix 3] I Made Love to Kim Basinger

1. THE DREAM ACADEMY - PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GET WHAT I WANT

2. CINDY LAUPER - TIME AFTER TIME

3. ERIC CARMEN - HUNGRY EYES

4. F.R. DAVID - STAY

5. WHITNEY HOUSTON - HOW WILL I KNOW

6. JANE WIEDLIN - RUSH HOUR

7. JANE FONDA & MICHAEL BRECKNER - AEROBICS

download (right click + save)